Hidden Realms
by Dr. Ridley
Summary: When Sora, Donald, and Goofy set out to save the worlds, they didn't just go to Disney worlds. That's what the man wants you to think! See the worlds that were left out of the game! Review! Rated T for violence and adult themes. Chapter 4: childhood memor
1. Briefing

**Editor's Note- Hello viewers and welcome to my first KH fanfic. Please excuse me if this offends any diehard fans of the series but thisis a comedy.**

**So laugh. And if you don't understand what is going on, do not worry...**

**Neither do I.**

**Disclaimer- I own no part of the Kingdom Hearts franchise or any other franchise mentioned in this story.**

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**Hidden Realms**

You have been lied to.

What you know about Kingdom Hearts is not the whole truth. You know about the Keyblade, Ansem, and the Heartless.

But do you know of Sora's battle with Michael Jackson? His teamup with a sponge who lives in a pineapple? Donald's wizard exams?

Of course not. That information was destroyed by the man. The man doesn't want you to know the truth.

But information can never truly be destroyed. I recovered it and am passing it on to you. For I am the Narrator and it is my purpose. My duty.

The truth is that Sora, Donald, and Goofy traveled to many more worlds than you actually know. Did you notice how all of the worlds shown were related to Disney. How convenient.

Questions will be answered. Secrets will be revealed. Fears will be realized.

This has been a lot of work to retrieve but it is worth it.

The reason these worlds were cut out is because they would reveal information about our heroes that would turn off certain viewers.

Like how Sora is a super-emo. Or Goofy's addiction to _substances._

You can relax knowing that I am going through the garbage and breaking into the homes of the Man's executives.

All of these events took place during the first Kingdom Hearts game. No drives. No King Mickey. No gay Little Mermaid singing level. You should be thankful for that.

The truth is out there and I will bring it to you.

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**Final Thought-** **Told you it was wierd! One thing I should clear up:**

**Although this chapter was pretty serious, this is a comedy fanfiction. Expect to see gay references, mindless violence, and drug abuse. I will also ask readers for their opinion on the story and suggestions for characters, worlds, etc.**

**Please review and be gentle.**


	2. Welcome to Flat Zone

**Editor's Note- Okay, let me see if I can make this story make sense. I have lots of ideas for worlds but not for the story. But not a problem.**

**This does have a storyline but expect stupidity.**

**Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own any part of the Kingdom Hearts franchise and I wish I did.

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**Chapter 2: Welcome to Flat Zone**

Accessing files... Hacking system... Toasting pop-tart...

I found it!

The first secret file on Kingdom Hearts and a vintage Playboy!

Sweet!

You can check out this info and I will do a different kind of inspecting...

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The entire landscape was black and white with hills and trees.

A huge portal opened in the sky and a strange ship made out of lego blocks flew through it. As it landed, the cockpit opened to reveal three heroes.

Sora, Donald, and Goofy lept out of the cockpit and three sparks surrounded them. They shined brightly and and eventually dimmed.

"What is this place?"

"Kind of colorless."

"It is sort of--Ahhh!"

"What?"

Donald pointed at the others with a hysteric expression on his face. They looked at each other and understood.

They were stick figures. Their heads remained the same but their legs, arms, and bodies were sticks.

"Dude, what happened?"

"I guess we changed to match the people here. So we found a world full of stick people?"

"I guess. Check it out!"

Goofy turned sideways and disappeared. He turned again and reappeared.

"Neat."

Donald pulled and stretched his arms into weird shapes.

"Cool."

Sora picked up Goofy, straightened him into a bat, and smacked Donald into the sky.

"Sweet!"

When Donald came back, cursing in Duckanese, they checked their surroundings. They looked at a sign marked "Flat Zone".

"Well, as long as we are here, we should try to find the keyhole."

They moved towards the only town in sight, Sticksville. When they entered, they finally saw some people.

They were, of course, stick people in every color imaginable. Red, green, hot pink. Any color. Except black.

"Excuse me,"

"Hello,"

"Pardon me,"

They tried to talk to the townspeople but they made no response. They poked, shoved, and slapped but they did not even move off course.

"Will you listen to me!"

He pushed a sky blue stickman harder and it fell into a puddle of water. The color washed off of it and it revealed a deep black color and a familiar symbol on its head.

"They're Heartless!"

At that moment, every stickman stopped and the paint fell off. They moved in the same direction, towards Sora.

"Let's get 'em!"

They attacked relentlessly. Heads popped off. Legs sliced. Arms fell.

"Yeah!"

The heroes cheered but the battle was far from over. The body parts limped together and reformed. Arms reattached to bodies. Heads were lifted back onto bodies.

"What the--"

Soon, every Heartless had regenerated to its original form.

"We can't beat these guys."

Out of nowhere, feedback from a microphone sounded.

"Fear not, fair heroes. Your savior is here!"

A pure white stickman lept from behinda building. He wore a silver cape and a golden S on his chest. He had no face but he did have a utility belt filled with absolutely nothing.

Donald was the first to respond.

"What does the S stand for? Super-queer?"

"I am the silver striker. The two-dimensional titan. The overdramatic overlord.

He struck a pose.

"I am Stickman Steve!"

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**Final Thought- Well, that introduces the newest character. With this stupid development, where will the story turn?**

**On a more serious note, I apologize to any homosexual readers for any insensitive comments or remarks. I completely respect your opinion and views because the government forces me to.**

**Who is this superhero? Will Sora, Donald, and Goofy find the keyhole? Will I stop writing this fanfic just to spite you people? **

**Review and find out!**


	3. Stickman Steve

**Editor's Note- Man, I am good! 2 chapters in one day! Yeah! Anyway, the story is just getting starting now. You will see some new formating with this chapter.**

**The first boss is in this chapter so it will be slightly longer. Don't expect the fights to be really detailed because they aren't the main focus.**

**Keep reviewing and keep reading**

**Disclaimer- I don't own any part of the Kingdom Hearts franchise. I also don't own any part of the Psychonauts franchise. Why? You'll see...**

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**Chapter 3: Stickman Steve**

Oh no! The system crashed.

Rebooting. Stupid dial-up connection!

Oh, here we go. Let's continue from the last point before the technical difficulties.

You keep reading while I get to work and jerk my chicken...

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"Who the heck are you?" 

The silver stickman turned towards them.

"Didn't you hear my dramatic intro and techno theme song? I am..."

He struck another pose.

"Stickman Steve!"

Sora, Donald, and Goofy gaped at the ridiculous figure when they noticed the Heartless were still moving towards them at a zombie-like pace.

"Maybe we should take care of these cretons first."

"How?"

Steve bent his knees.

"Like this!"

He flipped through the air anddescended with a karate chop, dividing the Heartless right down the middle.

The Heartless' remains evaporated into a black mist.

"You have to smash their heads."

"We should have thoughtof that."

With this new knowledge in hand, they demolished the Heartless hordes in record time.

Steve showed he did have some fighting skill. A drone threw a punch but Steve ducked, tore off his arm, and beat him to death with it, using it like an axe.

"Whoa."

Pulling an arm off of a corpse, Steve bent it at an angle and threw it, slicing 3 drones' heads in half.

"Neat."

He pulled a still-intact Heartless onto his shoulder and pulled its arm. The captive Heartless' head fired off like a missile and aimed towards a crowd of 14 Heartless.

A huge explosion sounded and all that remained was a cloud of black mist.

"This may not be so hard now."

"You are so freakin' awesome, dude!"

"What makes you think I am the only one with powers?"

He explained how, in the Flat Zone, a person's body could stretch to extreme lengths, shift his or her form, and even bend reality.

"Anything you draw becomes real,"

Steve demonstrated by drawing a cookie and it fell into Donald's hungry hands.

"Gawrsh, I wish I had taken those nude model drawing classes,"

Sora smacked Goofy in the back of the head and they began to practice with these new abilities.

"So, you can stretch any part of your body here?"

Donald and Goofy looked confused but then understood. Soon, all three were staring at their pants.

Steve spun like a top and spin-kicked them all.

"Keep your mind out of the gutter!"

Once everyone's head cleared, he explained what had happened. On an average day, the Heartless invaded and decimated the entire world. Then they replicated us and the entire town. The townspeople are imprisoned in a big cage on top of the Heartless castle and the only way is with the power of friendship and--

"Blah, Blah, Blah. You sound gayer than a Coldplay concert!" (Coldplay just got burned!)

"So, what you are saying is that we have to destroy the castle and save the world."

"Yep,"

Steve pointed towards the castle conveniently located right behind him.

"How does this happen every time?"

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Sora, Donald, Goofy, and Steve stood outside of the main chamber. 

In order to get to the top, they snapped necks, cracked skulls, and kicked nuts to get past all of the guards. Now they were getting ready to attack the main boss.

"You guys ready?"

"Dude, its a stick figure world. It can't be that hard."

They opened the door and saw a sight that made them burst into laughter.

"What?"

The voice came from a stick figure baby in a small crib. It was a very advanced laboratory covered with computers and chemicals.

"You are the boss? You're so puny!"

"Oh, really?"

Six pylons shot from the ground surrounding the crib with dark purple tips. The tips glowed and then fired it at the small child.

The child grew. Arms extended. Legs grew. Head expanded.

"Oh, crud."

_Boss Fight>_

Name: Colossus

Health: 500

Strengths: Smashing, throwing own waste

Weaknesses: Unability to love, generators

_End Info_

The four heroes ran from the giant titan. He brought down an arm, which barely missed Donald.

"Well, you know what they say about big things with small packages!"

This only infuriated the Colossus and he continued to rampage.

Sora stopped and unleashed Strike Raid, which linked to Judgement. This knocked off a large part of the titan's head and it fell over.

"Is it really that easy?"

The generators glowed once again and fired out mini stick figures. These drones ran into the Colossus and healed him.

"Oh, poo,"

The colossus attacked again and Stickman Steve formed a plan.

"Sora, you and Goofy destroy the generators; Donald and I will distract the Colossus."

"Why can't I help them destroy the generators?"

"Because nobody likes you, Donald!"

When Donald stopped crying, they started the plan. Donald and Steve led a head-on assault while Sora and Goofy attacked the generators.

Sora slide-attacked the first orb, cracking it and Goofy jump-attacked it, shattering it.

"Hey, this is kinda like that video game with the psychic summer camp and the sensory units and the cadets having to destroy the spawning sensors to stop the giant sensor? Isn't that copyright infringement?"

"No, it was in the disclaimer!"

They had finished destroying the third generator when the Colossus turned around.

"Holy sh---!"

Sora ran and started pummeling the fourth generator while the others tried to block the titan.

Finally, all of the generators were destroyed and the Colossus looked nervously from Sora to Donald to Goofy to Steve.

"Be gentle,"

Sora and Steve slashed its knees out and the titan fell to the ground.

Goofy spread his arms out and Sora and Donald jumped onto them, extending their weapons. Steve jumped on the two of them, holding out his arms.

_ 2-D Tempest>_

And they began to spin. Moving towards the downedColossus, they began to slice into it with renewed force.

In the end, after I edited the extremely gory parts, the Colossus evaporated intoblack mist and a large heart flew into the sky.

"Well, the world is saved."

"Lets get stick figure hookers!"

"Yeah!"

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**Final Thought- Yay! Everything ended like it should inlife. With hookers.**

**Check in for the next chapter and the newest world.**

**Review it please!**


	4. Radiant Garden

**Editor's Note- This is getting easier now. All of the worlds are now set and I have some character ideas. With all of these things and my dirty mind, this fanfic can't suck.**

**Well, yeah, it can.**

**Anyway, keep reviewing and I will try to make it not suck**

**Disclaimer- I don't any part of the Kingdom Hearts franchise. Get over it.**

**Warning- If you have contracted the AIDS virus and/or molested as a child, I will apologize in advance for this insensitive chapter.**

**However, I am secretly mocking you right now! Haha!**

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**Chapter 4: Shining Meadow**

Well, I hope that file didn't disappoint. Actually, I hope it did and I hope it pissed you off!

Mwahaahahahahahaha!

Anyway, lets see what the next file contains.

Oh no, not that creepy place. Let's pick another one.

Oh dear lord! That's its competition!

Okay, we are going with the first one.

So warm up some popcorn and get ready to repress your childhood memories!

Accessing file now...

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The gummi ship powered down as it landed on the lush green landscape. Sora, Donald, and Goofy jumped out. 

The planet was weird. Thesurroundings werefilled with green grass, asparkling river, and asmiling sun. The flowers were flowing with the wind.

"Okay, something is not right here."

"What are you talking about? This place is a paradise!"

Sora turned to Donald and Goofy.

"That's the point! There is nothing wrong here. No pain. No suffering. No sadness. It is a moral impossibility!"

"But what's wrong with that?"

_Warning: Emo moment coming!_

"But without sorrow, we can know no joy. A perfect world would negate all existence and open a portal to the apocalyptic netherworld, where the demons reside!"

"Quit being gothic, a-hole!"

Donald pummeled Sora with his staff while some natives approached them from behind. Goofy was the first to notice and when he turned around to check it out, he screamed.

Donald and Sora stopped arguing to see what the commotion was about. They saw purple, red, green, and yellow beings. Each had an antennae with a different shape on the end. Every one of them had a stupid grin on their face.

"You should stop all of that fighting. It isn't very nice."

"Imagine how the other person feels."

"You should knit sweaters together instead."

"Or share your favorite doll or AIDS!"

Sora had a bewildered look of terror on his face.

"Holy crap! Not the Teletubbies!"

Sora fell onto the ground in the feetle position. Donald tried to snap him out of it but all he said was "Go to my happy place".

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_(Begin Flashback)_

A 6-year-old Sora was watching the Teletubbies on his small TV.

"Sharing is fun!"

Sora clapped his hands.

"Yay!"

"Do to others as you would want them to do to you!"

Sora clapped again.

"Yay!"

"If oneof your guy friends want to kiss you, you should do it!"

Sora looked puzzled.

"What?"

Riku walked into the room.

"Hey Sora, wanna make out?"

"Okay, the Teletubbies told me it was okay!"

_(End Flashback)_

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"You bastards!"

Sora charged at the nearest Teletubby and beat the crud out of it. Goofy smacked Sora into the back of the head, knocking him out.

"So this place is kinda like a paradise, huh?"

"Sure, there is nothing bad here."

Donald and Goofy looked around.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, except for the Bad Place."

"Where's that?"

They pointed behind themselves, revealing a hole in the planet's surface. Out of the hole flew bats and crows. A thick black mist flowed out of it.

"That isn't so bad. So all we have to do is get rid of that and we will be okay, right?"

"Sure!"

"Okay, lets just wake Sora up and tell them everything."

They woke Sora and he screamed, reenacting the scene a couple of lines before. They eventually made their way to the Bad Place.

As they made their way down the hole, the sites got gradually worse and worse.

"You know, besides the violent shootings and porno scenes, it isn't that bad."

"So this is where all of the bad things are stored so the surface is a utopia. Weird,"

As they moved further into the Teletubby heck, they saw a sight that made them cringe with fear.

It was a giant Teletubby. Covered with black fur, it had red eyes and sat on a giant throne. He turned to the heroes.

"I am Bopo!"

_(Boss Fight)_

_Name: Bopo_

_Strengths: Being really frickin' huge, crazy, excessively pure_

_Weaknesses: Being excessively pure, needs diapers_

_(End Briefing)_

"Okay, hi Bopo. What are you doing down here?"

"I was the first Teletubby but the others locked me down here."

"See, I told you those guys were evil! Why did they lock you down here? For being straight?"

"I wanted to destroy all beings, for they are not as pure as me. Anybody who even thinks a dirty thought should be destroyed."

"But it isn't locked. It is just a big hole."

"Huzzah! Now I will destroy all!"

Donald and Goofy slapped Sora repeatedly until he finally knocked them off.

"Relax, I have a plan. All I need is 12 kegs of beer, a Hustler pinout, and a dead kitty."

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"Oh boy! I can finally fufill my destiny!"

Bopo was dangerously close to the hole as Sora and Goofy climbed up his back. Donald was climbing the nearby wall.

"Ready, Goofy? Fire!"

Each warrior had connected 6 kegs of beer to a hose. They were firing it down Bopo's throat and he was guzzling it down. When they were halfway through, he started wobbling.

"Ohhhhhhh,"

Donald had pinned the giant magazine to the wall and he jumped off, opening it. Bopo stared at it with huge eyes.

"Wow!"

As he walked closer, Donald carefully positioned the dead kitty.

"Oh my god! you killed that kitty!"

"No! Not that! I like kitties!"

Bopo's body gradually swelled and rocked the cavern with a huge explosion. Sora, Donald, and Goofy flew out of the hole.

"Dude, what happened?"

They looked around and saw paradise. Teletubbies were drinking booze, riding motorcycles, and doing obscene gestures with hookers for money.

"This place is awesome!"

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**Final Thought- Yeah! That was a weird chapter! Now that we are done with another world let's do another creepy place.**

**You should be afraid. Very afraid.**


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